"Speechless, I'm lost for words that you notice me. To know you, know me-That is enough.
You purse me with all of your heart, you pursue me when I fall apart. Face to Face, I long for your embrace- just to know you and be known by you. You're beautiful. This moment just a glimpse, of the passion that drives your hearts desire."
This is part of a song I've been working on. For me, it is a good reminder to look inside myself currently and also back at me in the past. Jesus has brought me SO far! I sit here writing, with no music playing,(which is akward for me) just thinking about how much has changed over just the past year. I want to go back for minute.
One year ago. I was depressed. I was hurting, broken, lonely, and I totally hated myself. For real, I remember just looking in the mirror crying, because I thought God made a mistake when He made me. I had unintentionally pushed people out of my life, and was basically hopeless. One afternoon, I was finished. Spititually, I was done being ineffective. Emotionally, I was drained, and physically, I began to destroy myself.
That's when He met me. Not when I was trying to do everything on my own strength- but when I fell on my face, no tears left to cry, at His feet in surrender. The months to folow were a deep time of healing and coming back to Him with the brokenness that I kept trying to pick up. He continued to pursue me. He connected all the answers I had in my head about the bible, and who He was (that I only kind of believed) and He brought all the knowledge to my heart and helped me believe and understand. Jesus gave me a new heart.
When He broke the barriers of legalism and pride, He made the way for me to know Him face-to-face. When I can see Him, everything else falls away; My fear of not being a good daughter, friend, or girlfriend falls away because I am loved unconditionally. The worry of not being a influential/godly leader becomes irrelevant, because I know He leads through me. My attempt to 'do' things 'for' God is replaced by 'being with' Him and being His child. Being with Him, I get to see a glimpse of the passion and desire He has for not just me, but all the pople around me as well. For you.
How are you making time to see Jesus face-to-face? How are you dealing with past hurts and worries of the future?
If who I was a year ago, is even somewhat who you feel you are-there’s hope! I want to pray for you, and pray with you! Because you matter, Jesus has a plan for you, and you can NEVER walk to far away from Jesus. He’ll continue pursuing you, and He’ll place people in your life to love you, and show that pursuit along the way. If you don’t have a person like that, I’d love to be that person. I’ve been blessed with phenomenal people who have shown me Jesus’ love in a tangible way, and loved me at my worst. You all know who you are. ❤️
“Jesus, help me to understand who you are. I know my identity comes from you, help me to believe it! I trust that you are pursuing me even when I can’t sense you. Please speak life into my heart, and give me perseverance to read and learn from your Word. Forgive me for dishonoring and not appreciating your creation-myself! Open my mind to seeing you and experiencing you in new ways. Help me to remember that you gave up your throne and your life to pursue me. I love you Jesus. Thank you for loving me.”
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